🔥THE Fire in the port hills🔥
An enormous fire started on the port hills and it gleered in front of my face. Mum was cooking and we were outside playing. There was another fire spreading along the hills. It looked like oil on the ground.It was bright orange and there was lots of dust and burnt wood that turned into ash in the air. We saw lots of noisy helicopters with buckets of water putting out the fire. My little brother left his bike on the hill, and the fire would have burned it. A helicopter pilot got killed and his name was David. When the frightening power cut happened I screamed. In fair
Hi Ruavai, Miss Johnstone here. You have used some great wow words in here! I really enjoyed the way that you described the fire gleering in front of your face. I wonder if you could finish this off by adding a powerful ending.
ReplyDeleteI loved how you captured my imagination by using wow words like enormous. It was not just big but enormous. Spreading and bright orange really made your story come alive. Keep going . I cannot wait until you blog anotherstory.
ReplyDeleteCould you publish your poem , "If I was incharge of the World"
ReplyDeletewaw you are on firyra
ReplyDeletethis is great your recount has full stops. where did you find that fire picture of the title?.
ReplyDeleteHi Ruavai I think your recount about the port hill.
ReplyDeletehow did your brothers bike get burt up on the port hills and nice job!!!
ReplyDeletei really like how you wrote about the fire it was the fire was really scary
ReplyDeletecool start to your fire story
ReplyDeletei do not want you to do anything on your fire store because it is great
Hi Noah here WOW! I like your words and description its amazing! WOW! KA PAI!!!
ReplyDeleteHi it's Emalea here.
ReplyDeleteSeems terrible that fire!
I like the existing words in the story!
Kia ora it's Jake here.
ReplyDeleteI like how you have used lots of describing words and I say what a great job you have done Ruavai.
But it seems you have just added in random full stops.
Maybe next time try not to add in random full stops well bye for now.
Kia ora Ruavai I read your work it was really good I wish I was like you you sold do some more of this i hope you keep doing this keep the good work up.
ReplyDeleteKia Ora Ruavai Emily here.
ReplyDeleteI love the descriptive words in your story they really bring out the really story of how the fire happened. Maybe next time write how you found out other then that I love your story.
Hey TJ here love the boom in the hills nice you have to remember your full stops but you done a good work on it keep it up well do have a good day at school bye.
ReplyDeleteKia ora Ruavai
ReplyDeleteI am also a fan of the vocabulary you have chosen because it makes your writing more interesting. I can also create images in my head because you have described what the fire looked like so well.
Maybe next time, you could add some images.
Mā te wā, Miss Waho.
Kia ora Ruavai it's Ashrita talking! I really liked your port hills recount it was really good, I really like how describe your recount it makes it more intersting to read. I like these words you added like enormous and gleered in front of my face. Next time try useing more punctuations to make your story more fun to read!
ReplyDeleteOther then that it was great to read!